An action trifecta is born!

They’re gonna give us a war we can’t believe.

Yep, the rumors have been confirmed by Daily Variety: Rambo, Jet “I Punched You 32 Times in 5 Seconds” Li and The Transporter/Jason Statham will pool their collective acting talents (so it’ll be more of a wading pool, really) in “The Expendables.”

Stallone, not surprisingly, is pulling a Streisand — these days we might call it a “Clint Eastwood” — and writing, directing and starring in the what is certain to be an explosion-heavy, plot-lite tale of mercenaries out to overthrow a South American dictator. Filming (in Louisiana and Costa Rica) starts in February.

Mark me down as “stoked.” (Remember: This is the chick who hates chick flicks.) Stallone, Li AND Statham in the same movie? It’s a harmonic convergence of events that’s “Perfect Storm”-like in its strange and frightening beauty. Explosions? Check. Shootouts? Done. Bodies riddled with bulletholes, chopped up with machetes or blown to McNugget-sized proportions? Please.

But a word to movie critics: Don’t ruin it for the rest of us by tossing out words like “plot” or “dialogue” or (cue violent shudder) “character development.” You want a complex moral quandary, an existential crisis of sorts? Rent “No Country for Old Men” and shut your trap.

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