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“Twilight”: Redux

By now, I like to think I’ve made my feelings about “Twilight” — the series in general and the WHYGODWHYDIDTHEYMAKEIT? movie in particular — pretty obvious. I am not only a member of the Society of Twilight Haters, I am the founder of the South Carolina chapter. And based on post comments from yesterday’s review of “King Kong vs. Godzilla,” I’m even considering filming my own version involving the cheerful demise of Bella and Edward a) vaporized by Godzilla’s nuclear firebreath or b) pealed by Kong and eaten like an underripe banana. 

So naturally, when I found this YouTube clip, it cried out for posting. Watch, enjoy and then pause, taking a moment to marvel at just how much better this video is than the actual movie.

 

Romeo, Romeo, text me wherefore thou art

YouTube is the supreme time waster (and you thought it was Wikipedia), but on occasion I stumble upon a video containing flashes of brilliance that manage to provoke thought and uproarious laughter. Enjoy … and, if you’re feeling chatty, suggest other movies you’d like to see infiltrated by the evil necessity that is cell phone technology.

And so I was inspired to come up with a few of my own suggestions:

  • “Titanic” — What a world of difference one text from Jack to Rose could have made: “My husband’s an ass. U r young + hot. Let’s steal a lifeboat.”
  • “Lord of the Rings” — One phone call from Sam to Frodo containing seven simple words could have saved us all so, so much suffering. And those seven words are: “F*ck the ring, Frodo. I love you.”
  • “Sleeping with the Enemy” — If only someone at the Y could have given Laura fair warning with a “Your husband knows you can swim!,” she might have ditched small-town America for Brazil, where people really disappear every day, and sometimes right out of their cars at stoplights.
  • “Citizen Kane” — Worker to reporter Jerry Thompson: “Rosebud’s his sled. I know; we just torched it.”
  • “Vanilla Sky” — This one’s a little more clean-cut than the others: It merely involves me reading the proposed plot and phoning Cameron Crowe with this plea: “I will give you my first-born child if you do not make this movie.”
  • “Atonement” — A distraught, saucer-eyed Briony  phones Mum to deliver a crucial message: “Robbie didn’t rape Cecilia. They just had sex. But you may want to wipe off the desk … and the bookshelves … before you touch them again.”