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Polish off that crown, Colbert: Sanford has an affair!

What a huge day for news in my po-dunk ‘lil state! Our illustrious, trout-for-brains governor, the one and only Mark Sanford, has admitted to a long-standing affair that he continued … last weekend … on Father’s Day.

Finally, oh finally, John Edwards can turn to his steadfast wife and utter the words: “See, Lizzie? I’m not THAT bad.”

But maybe what’s gone down isn’t so terrible. After all, all Sanford did was trade the stimulus for, ahem, a little stimulation. Or perhaps the hullabaloo over said moneys resulted from a direct lack thereof. Men in the throes of not gettin’ any are known to do crazy, crazy things.

OK, OK, yes … I just remembered this is a movie blog, and thus I must interject some sort of movie-related banter. So I think this might be an excellent time, Mr. Sanford, to suggest some names for the movie that will be made about your Big Adventure (which makes Pee-Wee’s look, well, kinda boring and devoid of, well, sex). Here are a few I’m tossing about:

  • “From Stimulus to Stimulation: The Mark Sanford Story”
  • “Define ‘Separation’: The Demise of a Republican Marriage”
  • “Mark Sanford: M.I.A. to F.U.B.A.R.”
  • “Dulce de Sanford”
  • “‘Doing Something Exotic’: What I Didn’t Learn from John Edwards”
  • “Mark Does Argentina”
  • “Episcopal Fever”
  • “Outsourcing Infidelity”

Read the full story online here.

For more details — such as how Sanford, uh, hiked the Appalachians with his mistress on the taxpayers’ dime — click here.