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“Zombie Kitteh”: A (Very) Short Film*

“Zombie Kitteh” by M. Carter

Setting: Empty cabin in the North Carolina mountains. Four teens, all eminently expendable (except the guy, who is, well, a guy), sit in a circle in the dark living room lit only by a flickering candle. (Guess someone’s mom and dad forgot to pay the electric bill.) They discuss life, love and other perplexing universal conundrums, but mostly they have frequent casual sex. Consensual casual sex, of course. What do you think this is, “Kids”?

Brick-Brained Chesty Brunette: “Hey, did you hear something?”

Slightly Smarter, Smaller-Chested Redhead: “Yeah, it was weird. It sounds like it came from behind the front door.”

Frat Boy Voted Most Likely to Use the “Officer, I Only Had Two Beers” Defense: “You girls stay here. I’ll check things out.” (Puts down his peach-flavored Boone’s Farm and gets up in a huff of willful manliness, but mostly he just wants to go outside and smoke that joi– nevermind)

The Voice of Reason, a.k.a. the Sardonic Ugly Hot Girl Wearing Glasses Who’s Only There Because She Wrote the Brick-Brained Girl’s Paper on “Othello”: “No. Wait. Stop. Don’t.”

FBVMLUOIOHTBD thrusts open the door only to discover something that makes him glad he hasn’t changed his underwear in four days…


…Zombie Kitteh’s out there!


*Moral of the story: Go see "Zombieland." Like yesterday.

9 Responses

  1. Never has a better assortment of stereotypes been assembled for a screen play of this magnificence:)

    Nice reference to ‘Kids’ btw…I don’t know how many people have seen that and after seeing it myself, I vowed “never, ever, again…end quote”

  2. Stereotypes? You mean these aren’t ORIGINAL and COMPELLING characters?!?!? I kid, I kid. Thanks, Marc, for the encouragement: Us fledgling script writers need as much of that as we can get…

    I saw “Kids” once a few years after it came out, and the rape scene involving Chloe Sevigny nearly put me off parties for life.

  3. I love lolcats. I might have to put on my lolerskates and go look at some right now. You’ve inspired me. 🙂

  4. The only sterotype missing here is the blond bimbo (I guess the brunette could be her stand in, but then it should have been something like: “natural brunette with bad bleach blond dye-job.”
    Still–zombie cats, one frightening, pants stain inducing idea.

    • I tried, in my way, to subvert expectations a little — the brunette’s the idiot, the blonde’s a wee bit smarter. But then the whole thing dissolved into a big mess-o-stereotypes. As a screenwriter, I fear I lack imagination.

      • I wouldn’t go that far, and hey this is the horror genre we’re dealing with here, get too imaginative or subvert expectations too much and all the fanboys will cry foul. Besides, I can’t think of a single time when I saw a meat head frat boy get eaten by a zombie cat, so there’s some imagination/originality for ya.

  5. […] blog showcases expertly crafted and extremely well written reviews plus the occasional foray into short film screen writing. Top of her game and all around blogging […]

  6. […] blog showcases expertly crafted and extremely well written reviews plus the occasional foray into short film screen writing. Top of her game and all around blogging […]

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