• Pages

  • Categories

  • Archives

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 42 other followers
  • Top Posts

Forlorn Friday

‘Tis early yet, blog-o-centrics, but in the wake of several grievous happenings I think it’s not too early to proclaim today, Friday, July 24, 2009, as “Forlorn Friday” (because “Black Friday” is, you know, taken).

Here is a sampling of the things that have dealt a crushing blow to good moods everywhere: 

  • “Twilight 2: Moonier, Longer and Suckier” has taken Comic-Con by storm: File this under “What is the world coming to?” or “The horror … the horror.” It seems that “New Moon,” the sequel to the dreadfully swoony “Twilight” set to release in November, has fans at Comic-Con International in L.A. salivating in anticipation. Really, festivalgoers? THIS is what you’re excited about? I’m not much for indiscretionary dismissals of movie sequels, but if “New Moon” turns out to be more hokey and saccharine — actress Kristen Stewart prefers to go with “more severely emotional” — than “Twilight,” forget the swine flu virus vaccine; we’re going to need triple-time production of insulin.
  • Paris Hilton wants us to love her for her mind: For Big Daddy Kane, it’s pimpin’ that’s hard; for Paris Hilton, it’s playing a promiscuous chippie with no intelligent life in the cockpit. Hers is a story of excess and lack, a kind of “Baba O’Reilly” for the iPhone generation: so much money, so many $1,700 purses, so many kidnapped chihuahuas and lost Blackberry phones, so little talent. Now she’s lamenting this lamentable life in “Paris, Not France,” a documentary about her life dedicated to correcting our misconceptions about the world’s richest insult to womankind. Here’s a tip, PH: When you get to the point that you have to audition people on-camera to be your best friend, you’ve cruised right by “slutty airhead” and coasted straight into “pathetic loser.”
  • Winehouse cleared of assault charges: Everyone’s favorite drunken, diminuitive diva showed up in court (what? she showed up?) profoundly sober (re: no pinned pupils or vomit dribbling down her chin) dressed in a prim blouse and skirt (I don’t understand) to dismiss accusations she punched out a fan looking for a photograph. This is sad because it means the real Amy Winehouse has been kidnapped, no doubt bound in duct tape and stashed in a closet somewhere, and no one is looking for her.
  • Vaya con dios, Gidget: Pop-culture icon Gidget, the illustrious star behind the “Yo quiero Taco Bell” phenomenon that swept the nation in the late ’90s, died yesterday of a massive stroke. Gidget, 15, starred in such ground-breaking works as “Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde” and a GEICO insurance commercial — both of which were more meaningful than 2.78 seconds of “The Simple Life.” She will be missed, I believe, slightly more than Michael Jackson because her death will not require all of us to listen to “Billie Jean” and “Thriller” until we wish to lobotomize ourselves with our car keys. But the saddest note of this tragedy? She never even got a bit part in “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.” Ageism, plain and simple.
  • “The Ugly Truth” hits theaters nationwide: This one requires no further explanation.

Cruel world, I can’t handle any more heartache today. Someone pass be the blue pill.

6 Responses

  1. Hi McCarter, forlorn is the word! I’m with you about this Twilight madness! I saw it ‘cuz one of my co-workers (who’s in her late 40s) are so into it I thought I checked it out to see what the fuss is about. Let’s just say I’d definitely pass on New Moon. The Movie Blog posted this photo: http://themovieblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/Blade-Twilight.jpg – makes me wish Snipes would just wipe out the entire Cullen clan, sheesh!

    My sentiment exactly about The Ugly Truth – and I used to adore the Butler! That one’s not even worth the Redbox fee!

    • What a crazy coincidence — I stumbled on that same photo yesterday! It’s funny how a photo can capture all my feelings about this inexplicable “Twilight” craze. In my wildest dreams one day Sam Raimi will decide to spoof these films in true “Evil Dead” fashion. Then, only then, can I die happy.

      M. Carter

  2. Hey sorry for the misspell, it’s M. Carter not McCarter! Blimey, yeah Raimi AND Bruce Campbell while you’re at it. Yes, the best thing out of this Twilight madness might be its spoof!

  3. Twilight being at Comic Con was a horrible idea. The consensus from a lot of people is that Twilight ruined Comic Con. Specifically the Twilight panel ended up blocking a lot of people from seeing the Tron panel. Then also add in the fact there were a bunch of Twilight fans at Comic Con and you can see why people would be upset.

    On the trend of the Blade + Twilight picture, I’m more a fan of Jurassic Park + Twilight: http://nerdsoftheroundtable.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/000fs0gg.jpg?w=450&h=249

    • Great photo. The fact that there are so many of these creations out there means us “Twilight” haters are growing in numbers. Perhaps we should form some sort of task force?

      M. Carter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: