Got “Milk”?

If there’s one thing Hollywood loves, it’s trailers. Lots of trailers. Played in every theater beginning at least six months (maybe sooner if the director’s really ambitious or particularly sadistic) before the movie in question is released. (Remember “Vantage Point”? I calculate that one played every six seconds on television and in theaters until the release.) Call it the Even-If-You-Don’t-Watch-This-Movie-You’re-Gonna-Watch-This-Movie strategy.

For the love of William H. Macy, there’s even an HD channel devoted ENTIRELY to film trailers.

All these little tidbits jump-started my flatlining after-lunch brain, energizing it with a thought — namely, where the hell is all the promotion and marketing for Sean Penn’s new biopic “Milk”?

The movie, which is set to be released Dec. 5, has been a ghost. In all my trips to the theater in the past six months, I can recall one (count it: one) trailer for the biopic about California’s first openly gay elected official Harvey Milk. I’ve seen no ads on TV, no posters … nothing.

Are the rest of you, readers, pondering what I’m pondering? Or does the cheese stand alone?

What, I wonder, could be the reasoning behind this scant promotion? Proposition 8? Sean Penn’s general aversion to publicity? A widespread conspiracy involving Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Celine Dion and the fat guy from “My Name Is Earl”?

If anyone has theories, feel free to share them. In the meantime, I’ll busy myself hatching more and more intricately absurd conspiracy theories that may, in the end, turn out to be true. (Hey, it worked for Mel in “Conspiracy Theory.”)

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